Traveling Blind

Recently I got in touch with a good friend of mine from my past. Kirk and I were in the Navy together and stationed in the same squadron for a little over a year. He was one of my first friends in Virginia Beach when I arrived at my new duty station. We worked in the same shop and lived in the same barracks. We partied together....a lot. He was 3 or 4 years older than me; which at 19 seemed like a lot. He was good with the ladies, if you know what I mean. He was sure of himself. In short, he was everything that I felt I was not. When Amy and I got married, he was in the process of changing duty stations and was going to Meridian, MS. I asked him to take some time and stop on his way home to Utah and be my Best Man. He agreed and sacrificed time that could have been spent with his family to stand with me and support Amy and I.

Because he was moving to Mississippi and I was still in Virginia Beach, I only saw Kirk 3 or 4 times after that. We talked on the phone a few times, but eventually lost contact. Last week, thanks to the marvels of the internet, I found his phone number and gave him a call after not speaking with him in over 13 years. It was awesome! There was a part of me that felt like a 19 year old kid again. As the conversation usually does in these sorts of reunions, the topic of current occupation came up. I was a little nervous about telling him of my involvement in ministry. Not that I was ashamed or embarrassed about it, but I guess I thought he would find it difficult to believe that the guy he knew that many years ago was now not only a Christian, but a minister. I was wrong.

I think my exact words were, "Well, you probably won't believe this, but I've been in full time ministry for the majority of the past 6 years." To which his reply was, "I don't have any problem believing that. That's where you were always headed back then."

I was shocked! I remember the time quite differently for the most part. I remember that time as a time of rebellion and living in sin and running from all the things I felt like God required of me. Apparently Kirk saw my inner turmoil. So often I wasn't even able to enjoy the hedonism I was exploring because of the guilt I was feeling within. Something in me kept telling me that the person I was trying to be wasn't who I really was. I vaguely remember even discussing that sometimes with friends when I'd had too much to drink. Mostly, I'd just drink more to numb the pain of hypocrisy. It never worked. One day I just quit trying and surrendered (to a degree) to God.

To be completely honest, I thought that I had hid it much better. I didn't think that those around me could see what was going on inside; apparently I was wrong. Maybe I was the only one walking around with my eyes closed. Maybe Kirk, who grew up Mormon but had no faith at that time, could see God's plan even more clearly than I could back then. It seems like all of the times in my life that I'm most ashamed of fit into God's plan for me as much as those that I would consider high points. Maybe, that's what Romans 8:28 means.

If you've been reading this hoping for resolution to some spiritual question...sorry to disappoint. I've just been thinking about my conversation with Kirk this past Sunday and wondering what it means that he saw me on this path toward God when I was traveling blind.