Recently I got in touch with a good friend of mine from my past. Kirk and I were in the Navy together and stationed in the same squadron for a little over a year. He was one of my first friends in Virginia Beach when I arrived at my new duty station. We worked in the same shop and lived in the same barracks. We partied together....a lot. He was 3 or 4 years older than me; which at 19 seemed like a lot. He was good with the ladies, if you know what I mean. He was sure of himself. In short, he was everything that I felt I was not. When Amy and I got married, he was in the process of changing duty stations and was going to Meridian, MS. I asked him to take some time and stop on his way home to Utah and be my Best Man. He agreed and sacrificed time that could have been spent with his family to stand with me and support Amy and I.
Because he was moving to Mississippi and I was still in Virginia Beach, I only saw Kirk 3 or 4 times after that. We talked on the phone a few times, but eventually lost contact. Last week, thanks to the marvels of the internet, I found his phone number and gave him a call after not speaking with him in over 13 years. It was awesome! There was a part of me that felt like a 19 year old kid again. As the conversation usually does in these sorts of reunions, the topic of current occupation came up. I was a little nervous about telling him of my involvement in ministry. Not that I was ashamed or embarrassed about it, but I guess I thought he would find it difficult to believe that the guy he knew that many years ago was now not only a Christian, but a minister. I was wrong.
I think my exact words were, "Well, you probably won't believe this, but I've been in full time ministry for the majority of the past 6 years." To which his reply was, "I don't have any problem believing that. That's where you were always headed back then."
I was shocked! I remember the time quite differently for the most part. I remember that time as a time of rebellion and living in sin and running from all the things I felt like God required of me. Apparently Kirk saw my inner turmoil. So often I wasn't even able to enjoy the hedonism I was exploring because of the guilt I was feeling within. Something in me kept telling me that the person I was trying to be wasn't who I really was. I vaguely remember even discussing that sometimes with friends when I'd had too much to drink. Mostly, I'd just drink more to numb the pain of hypocrisy. It never worked. One day I just quit trying and surrendered (to a degree) to God.
To be completely honest, I thought that I had hid it much better. I didn't think that those around me could see what was going on inside; apparently I was wrong. Maybe I was the only one walking around with my eyes closed. Maybe Kirk, who grew up Mormon but had no faith at that time, could see God's plan even more clearly than I could back then. It seems like all of the times in my life that I'm most ashamed of fit into God's plan for me as much as those that I would consider high points. Maybe, that's what Romans 8:28 means.
If you've been reading this hoping for resolution to some spiritual question...sorry to disappoint. I've just been thinking about my conversation with Kirk this past Sunday and wondering what it means that he saw me on this path toward God when I was traveling blind.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
What's a Grace Glutton?
Welcome to the newest incarnation of my blog. In all honesty, I'd just about given up on blogging. It seems the pressure to perform was always getting to me. I wanted to have a place to jot down some thoughts, but then if anybody in cyberspace can read it, well then, it had better be good. Well, that was simply to much strain. This time will be different. No pressure...no requirements...no worries.
I want to have a place where I can tell my friends what's going on in my heart and mind. I want them to know what I feel like God is saying to me either through other people (books, sermons, conversations) or simply in my heart and mind. I want to be challenged; I want to be questioned. I really want to be asleep right now...it is after all 3 am.
So I guess I should probably start with an explanation of the name of this blog. What is a Grace Glutton? Well, dictionary.com says that a glutton is a person that eats or drinks excessively or voraciously. I definitely fall into that category much more often than I would like to admit. Still, it's the second definition that more closely fits what I meant in the title. It says that a glutton is a person with a remarkably great desire or capacity for something...in my case that something is grace. I find that the more I understand grace, the more I desire it; and not just for me, but for those around me as well. It's like having the best meal you can imagine and gorging yourself on it. Come on; you know what I mean. You just keep eating and you can't seem to get enough. Yet it's not enough to have it all to yourself...you have to share it with someone. I do this all the time at restaurants. I get something that's mind-blowing, and even though there's a part of me that wants to just horde it all for myself, I just can't stand to be the only one enjoying it. I always end up trying to get Amy to taste it as well. I'm a little more adventurous than she is when it comes food, so often it takes a little convincing for her to try it. But I just love it when she bites into it and her eyes get wide and I know she's feeling the same way about it that I am. It makes the dish even more enjoyable once she's enjoyed it too.
God's grace has become my new favorite dish! I've always heard about it. I've even spent my whole life in the kitchen with it and occasionally taking a big whiff of it's aroma. But only recently have I allowed myself to dig in. The truth is God had whipped up a heaping plate full and set it before me and I had only taken a taste of the sauce...just kind of moved it around on the plate like a 6 year old trying to convince my mother that I really had eaten some of my Brussels sprouts. Then when I finally got a good taste, I realized I have got to take in as much of this as possible and share it with everyone that I can.
I know I'm going a little metaphor crazy tonight. But anyway, you get the idea. I'm discovering the joy of walking in God's grace and resting in who He is and who I am in Him. Like any good walk, it's better when others are walking with you. So I'll be sharing grace with you on this blog and where ever I get the chance. If you like, you can show me grace as well...I'll take all I can get.
I want to have a place where I can tell my friends what's going on in my heart and mind. I want them to know what I feel like God is saying to me either through other people (books, sermons, conversations) or simply in my heart and mind. I want to be challenged; I want to be questioned. I really want to be asleep right now...it is after all 3 am.
So I guess I should probably start with an explanation of the name of this blog. What is a Grace Glutton? Well, dictionary.com says that a glutton is a person that eats or drinks excessively or voraciously. I definitely fall into that category much more often than I would like to admit. Still, it's the second definition that more closely fits what I meant in the title. It says that a glutton is a person with a remarkably great desire or capacity for something...in my case that something is grace. I find that the more I understand grace, the more I desire it; and not just for me, but for those around me as well. It's like having the best meal you can imagine and gorging yourself on it. Come on; you know what I mean. You just keep eating and you can't seem to get enough. Yet it's not enough to have it all to yourself...you have to share it with someone. I do this all the time at restaurants. I get something that's mind-blowing, and even though there's a part of me that wants to just horde it all for myself, I just can't stand to be the only one enjoying it. I always end up trying to get Amy to taste it as well. I'm a little more adventurous than she is when it comes food, so often it takes a little convincing for her to try it. But I just love it when she bites into it and her eyes get wide and I know she's feeling the same way about it that I am. It makes the dish even more enjoyable once she's enjoyed it too.
God's grace has become my new favorite dish! I've always heard about it. I've even spent my whole life in the kitchen with it and occasionally taking a big whiff of it's aroma. But only recently have I allowed myself to dig in. The truth is God had whipped up a heaping plate full and set it before me and I had only taken a taste of the sauce...just kind of moved it around on the plate like a 6 year old trying to convince my mother that I really had eaten some of my Brussels sprouts. Then when I finally got a good taste, I realized I have got to take in as much of this as possible and share it with everyone that I can.
I know I'm going a little metaphor crazy tonight. But anyway, you get the idea. I'm discovering the joy of walking in God's grace and resting in who He is and who I am in Him. Like any good walk, it's better when others are walking with you. So I'll be sharing grace with you on this blog and where ever I get the chance. If you like, you can show me grace as well...I'll take all I can get.
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